The "drop foot" situation has lessened. Thank goodness. Now I'm more lost cognitively speaking and there's more pain. It seems as though the more problems I have physically, the less problems I have mentally and vice-versa. I can move my body in almost all directions, but I can't remember my phone number. Is losing grasp on the concept of time a symptom???? Because I've had that for a while and it's getting worse. I think of minutes and hours in a different way than I should, or did years ago. Maybe it's an age thing. Maybe it's normal to do that. But, for some reason I can't get anywhere on time. Even when I plan ahead and set clocks for different times, I'm still late. It doesn't help that partial cause is the forgetfulness. "Oh, no... I forgot my phone." Or, "Where did I put that binder???"
And, the isolation.. I'll mention again... It's very lonely in this world of unknown probable neurological "difference."
I'm also very paranoid. Not of the boogy-man or getting murdered, but of what my partner is thinking... I'm always thinking that he's thinking horrible things about me. It doesn't help at all that he doesn't actually talk to me about what he's thinking. I know there are thoughts... There's a look people get when they have thoughts. He gets that look and when I ask what the thought was, he denies having one, but in a way that is suspicious. I'm not talking about important things either. Just insignificant thoughts that don't matter. The point is, he has a thought. I ask him what it was, and he doesn't tell me. I think I fear if he doesn't tell me about his stupid thoughts, is he going to tell me about his important thoughts??? I shouldn't be concerned about our relationship. It's solid and not going anywhere but forward, but I am so expecting one day for him to just out of the blue to say "It's over!"
I'm just being foolish..
Then at other times I have the excitement and innocence of a child with no care in the world.
I think these are all a part of whatever is causing my hands and the rest to go numb and stop moving. I legitimately don't believe this is all because I'm insane... <---- paranoia
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